i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
