We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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