you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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