do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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