What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
