You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
