you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
