WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
