i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
