brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
