She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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