I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
