the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
