Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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