I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
