I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
