I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
