I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
