It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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