fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
