Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
