WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
