Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
