i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
