Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
