Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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