I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
