Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
worst night to have a conscience
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
