I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
