Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
