This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
