so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
