This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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