I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
