you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
