Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So vagazzling was a success
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
