just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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