Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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