I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've blown a few things in my day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
