Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
