If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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