Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
