the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
