That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
