It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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