physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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