i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
