i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
