Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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