Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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