I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
