in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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