You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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