Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
