i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
