I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do herpes really smell.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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